Funny wine/alcohol quotes

[Andy Velebil]

These were posted on another forum and they are worth reposting here.

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink,
I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think
About the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
And dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
Of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their
Dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
Wake up in the morning, that's as good a s they're
Going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra


"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman


"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not."
~ Stephen Wright


"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
We fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So, let's all
Get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke


"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin


"Without question, the greatest invention in the
History of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
Wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
Not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry


To some it's a six-pack. To me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can!
~Dave Howell


And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:
"Well ya see, Nam, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

[Tom Archer]

The following are all attributed to footballer George Best:

'I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep'

'In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol - it was the worst 20 minutes of my life'

'I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered'

'I was in for 10 hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes' (on the blood transfusion after his liver transplant...)


Tom

[Philip Harvey]

And my favorite, attributed to Robert Benchley:

"I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry."