Now you see it, now you don't

[Andy Velebil]

Alan,

there may be blood shed, but by god DON'T SPILL THE PORT

[Luc Gauthier]

If you do spill the port , you can use the peanut butter as an emergency cork . . .

[Alan C.]

Stewart,

At his meeting with Queen Elizabeth last night, George W. Bush turned to the Queen and said: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how my great country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom." The Queen replied "I'm sorry Mr Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?" To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Bush."

George thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?" The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replied "Sorry again, Mr Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George W could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

Alan.

[Derek T.]

Better joke this time, Alan - Stewart, no need to hurry unblocking the synch if Alan can produce this quality

[Roy Hersh]

Ah that was beautiful, simply brilliant!

If I had more guts than brains, I would put it in the next newsletter.

[Luc Gauthier]

Alan , your humour knows no bounds , the peanut butter gods are appeased :)

[Alan C.]

Gentlemen!

I cant be doing with praise! (There is a point to these jokes, you know ) So to get us back on track....

Stewart,

A Mother was cleaning her sons room, and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.
She hid the magazine until the lads father got home and she showed it to him, waiting for a reaction.
He looked at it and handed it back to her with out a word.
She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"

Dad looked at her and said, "Well, I don't think you should spank him."

Alan.

[Luc Gauthier]

I keep a jar in my car . . . because it rymes

[Alan C.]

Stewart,

I'm hoping this is part of your fix(but I doubt it).
When I go into my profile, from the Home Page, I'm now getting a large Error Box. It wont Copy and Paste, but starts with
'Error. The XML response that was returned from the Server is invalid', goes on to include va lot of Computor gibberish, before ending with 'You have White space in the response'
Dont mean much to me....but any clues?

Alan

[Guest]

Yep - that's part of the problem I'm working on. Sorry for the error box, but we'll get this resolved as soon as possible. Lots of little things to tweak in the coding, with is making this much more meticulous that I had hoped.

Besides, I picking up some great jokes....maybe I SHOULDN'T rush to finish this work

A Port drinker walks into a wine bar sees a friend at a table, sipping a glass of wine all by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in December," he said, "and left me $25,000 and a four cases of Noval Nacional '63."

"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that," he replied.

"Then in January," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000 and four double magnums of Dow 1896."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000 and an original cask of 1832 Acciaioly Madeira."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"

[Alan C.]

Thanks for the Update, keep up the good work.
And after your marvelous effort at funnies, I'll restrict my offering to a quickie,

A man walked into a Library and asks if they have any books on Suicide.
The Librarian replied "I'm sorry, they're all out. The buggers never bring them back!"

Alan

[Andy Velebil]

Good lord man, now Stewart is making jokes....when will it all end

[Derek T.]

Andy,

Thanks for the clarification - I hadn't realised Stewart was telling a joke - I thought he was trying some sort of hypnotic technique to send us all to sleep until he fixes all those bugs

Derek

[Andy Velebil]

I am immune to his Jedi mind control tricks

[Alan C.]

Tragic News of a Fellow Member!!!

Jo was home making dinner, as usual, when Alex Bridgeman arrives at her door.
"Jo, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell you".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Alex. But where's my Derek?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling you, Jo."
There was an accident down at the Quinta Do Noval..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Jo. "Please don't tell me....."
"I must, Jo. Your man Derek is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Alex. "How did it happen?"
"It was terrible, Jo. He fell into a huge Oak Cask of Nacional and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Alex.
Did he at least go quickly?"

"Well, Jo... In truth No. In fact, he got out three times to the toilet!!!"

Alan

[Andy Velebil]

Alan, now that was a good one. But the sad part, it is actually believable

[Alan C.]

Andy,

How can you laugh when one of our friends has passed away? Or are you thinking of that 63 in his will!

Alan.

[Andy Velebil]

Andy,

How can you laugh when one of our friends has passed away? Or are you thinking of that 63 in his will!

Alan.

Darn straight!! So while Alex was distracting Jo, I snuck into the basement and took all of his Port on hand....I am now on my way to his offsite to clean that out as well. I'll met you and Alex at the rally point....ohh, and I'll pop a few corks now so they will be ready to drink when I see you guys. :twisted:

[Derek T.]

...while Alex was distracting Jo, I snuck into the basement and took all of his Port on hand....

Come on guys - stealing a dead man's port is one thing but this is taking it too far :?

Derek (deceased)

[Alan C.]

Derek(deceased)

Does this mean you'll be turning up in the White Suit on Saturday? I bet Andy doesn't get that reference!

Alan