101 things to do with a duff bottle of port

Tom Archer · Post by **Tom Archer** » Fri May 05, 2006 4:57 pm

OK, I've decided that I'm neither poor enough nor desperate enough to want to consume a full decanter of cloudy Australian prune juice.

But, waste not, want not...

- So, culinary (and other) suggestions please!

I will start with:

# 1) The wasteful option - pour it down the sink and sooth my conscience by putting the bottle into a recycling container (not that it's likely to be actually recycled - we live in an age of pointless gestures!)

- Other options please!

Tom

Post by **Andy Velebil** » Fri May 05, 2006 7:10 pm

Take it to the old folks home and tell them it is the lastest and greatest prune juice...with a kick :twisted:

tvstorey · Post by **tvstorey** » Fri May 05, 2006 7:43 pm

Tom,

If it has any life left to it at all you can:

1) Stir a few tablespoons into onion soup during the last half-hour of simmering;

2) Use it to baste a pork roast; put some garlic in the roasting pan and deglaze at the end with stock;

3) Get your Yuletide baking done early and use it to marinate your plum pudding for the next 7 months. Then practice in the mirror saying "It's supposed to taste like that" with a straight face. :)

Best of luck,

Al B. · Post by **Al B.** » Sat May 06, 2006 12:22 am

I love idea (2) from Tyler. I might try that at some point.

My two suggestions are (i) a traditional port reduction to accompany some good old red meat, or (ii) use some of the port to steep your Christmas mincemeat (each year in January we buy a few jars of reduced price mincemeat, empty a miniature of brandy into each jar and then reseal. Its darn good when you re-open it in December).

Alex

Derek T. · Post by **Derek T.** » Sat May 06, 2006 12:52 am

Tom,

Take it to the Austrailan Embassy in London and explain to them that this is why they should ban the use of the word Port by their wine-making industry. When you're finished with them, pour it into an empty South African Port bottle and do the same with them

Derek

Kris Henderson · Post by **Kris Henderson** » Tue May 09, 2006 11:13 pm

If it's at all drinkable, try making a port reduction sauce out of it and drizzle a little over some salad or grilled meat.

Alex K. · Post by **Alex K.** » Wed May 10, 2006 4:38 am

1. Take it to the Bridge
2. Throw it overboard
3. See if it can swim
4. Back into the shore

Ooops - sorry, quoting Squeeze again.

Tom Archer · Post by **Tom Archer** » Mon May 22, 2006 3:32 pm

After some unsuccessful gastronomic experimentation I have arrived at the most appropriate solution:

mus muris in cloaca ebrius est

Apologies if my latin is a little rusty...

Tom

Derek T. · Post by **Derek T.** » Tue May 23, 2006 12:01 am

Tom,

It's obviously not as rusty as mine!!!

Is this another thread where you are not allowed to use Google to work out the answer?

Derek

Post by **Andy Velebil** » Tue May 23, 2006 6:09 am

Derek,

allow me to help you...use a mirror, then stand on your head, wiggle your toes, and you will understand it

just kidding of course

Derek T. · Post by **Derek T.** » Tue May 23, 2006 7:04 am

Andy,

Just in case you weren't really joking (difficult to tell on the forum these days!) I tried this and now have my toe stuck in the air conditioning unit on the wall of my office.

The strange thing is that when I read Tom's message through the mirror it said "The Answer is 42" - can anyone tell me what the question was?

Derek

Tom Archer · Post by **Tom Archer** » Tue May 23, 2006 8:36 am

I seem to recall that 42 was the answer to everything in the Hitchhikers Guide - but not this time!

Yes, you may use Google!

Tom

Derek T. · Post by **Derek T.** » Tue May 23, 2006 9:06 am

Not bad Tom but not specific enough I'm afraid - whoever gives us the full question gets to set the next pointless conundrum 8)

Tried using Google and a number of translation sites and gave up when the first 2 words both came back as meaning "mouse" - I'm guessing your Latin phrase doesn't translate to "mouse mouse ......." so didn't see the point of searching for any of the other words.

Perhaps I should send the Latin text to Taylor Fladgate to see if any of Frank's decendants still speak in the language of their ancestors :?

Derek

Tom Archer · Post by **Tom Archer** » Tue May 23, 2006 9:29 am

Actually, it means rat

- carry on!

Tom

Derek T. · Post by **Derek T.** » Wed May 24, 2006 7:48 am

Tom,

Not sure about your translation of rat as everywhere I've looked comes back with mouse - anyway, whatever size it is I'm sure he knew that crap you poured down the sewer wasn't real port

Derek

PS: What does "est" mean - can't find it

Tom Archer · Post by **Tom Archer** » Wed May 24, 2006 3:34 pm

OK, literal translation:

Rat(s) In Sewer Drunk Is (est means is)

Or 'The sewer rats are pissed'

i.e I poured it down the drain!

Tom