For The Love Of Port

In another thread, the forum owner has indicated that additional posts there which deviate from the thread's topic may be at risk of deletion. I feel this is not sufficient. When one transgresses, there must be consequences. A deterrent must be upheld. Without severe discipline, freedom is meaningless.

After having given this very important matter the most serious and earnest consideration, I humbly propose the following measures should be implemented, effective immediately:

10 port and 10 madeira enemas - forcefully administered
remaining season's tickets to the Indianapolis Colts - as long as Peyton Manning is injured
translating all past, present and future issues of the Wine Advocate into Koine (ancient Greek)
200 lashes with a wet linguine
listening to Richard Wagner's Die Walkure for 240 consecutive hours
Diving off the Space Needle platform (no parachute)
killer whale surfing

I neglected to mention that transgressors, during the autumn, ought also be subject to exfoliation.

Please stop drinking and driving, er, I mean typing.

My original plan was to propose the use of sherry for the first disciplinary measure, but there appears to be a shortage of butts.

I am going to suggest watching Bravo Channel nonstop for 24 hours.

No! Not the Bravo Channel!