For The Love Of Port

Some day soon....

While on his morning walk, President George W Bush falls over, has a heart attack and dies. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Welcome to Heaven," says Saint Peter, "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a politician around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," says the Prez. "I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVENCHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven.
Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity." "But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," replies George "I'm sorry ... but we have our rules and bureaucracy." Peter interjects. And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and he goes down, down, down ... all the way to Hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course by a river stocked with fish. The sun is shining in a cloudless sky.
The temprature is a perfect 21C degrees. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it are Senators from all the years of the Great American Political System.
There are luminaries who had helped Bush over the years.
The whole set of the Republican Party leaders from the past were there - everyone laughing, happy, and casually, but expensively, dressed.
They run to greet him, to hug him and to reminisce about the good times they had got rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Bush with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, George!" Uh, I can't drink anymore, I took a pledge," says Bush, dejectedly. "This is Hell, son. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!"

So George takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, like the ones he and Cheney pulled with the Iraq War.

They are having such a great time that, before he realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as Bush steps on the elevator and heads upward.
When the elevator door reopens, he is in Heaven again and Saint Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate.

So for 24 hours George W is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other
than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or egotistical remark among them.
No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor.
He doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special!

"Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself. "My Advisors never prepared me for this!"
The day done, Saint Peter returns and says, "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."
Bush reflects for a minute ... then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.
The doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a concrete jungle covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, kind of like the eroded, infested areas that Prescott created in the South East housing blight.
He is horrified to see all of his friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags.
They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.
The Devil comes over to Bush and puts an arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers a shocked George, "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were on the Campaign Trail, Today we've got your vote!"

:joker: :joker: :joker:

Nice!

Jay

You had me at: "While on his morning walk ... "

By the end of that sentence I had already cracked open a bottle of Champagne. Damn joke! :wall:

I was going to place a similarly funny joke about Tony Blair's "stepping down" but I must say, that nothing I was going to write was nearly as funny as what Bill Maher had to say about him and Bush in a two sentence rant. Brilliant stuff! Guess which one is the poodle?

Good Riddance to Blair. I actuially wouldn't mind 'My' country fighting for Principles and Morals in Countries and States where there is Tyranny and Human Rights violations.
But not because of false intelligence, Oil, No exit strategy, and because Bush says so.

Dont know Bill Maher though, have to look it up. Bring on Two new regimes, either side of the pond. They may not be the answer, but you will at least have hope!

Alan

I thought I was on FTLOP website but it seem like I end up on moveon.org, my bad